Hi bloggers - its been a while....

Since we last met here on these pages - lifes been returning to normal for me.  Well, as normal as things get for me anyway

This will clearly be a completely different Christmas to last year.  Its fair to say I've never had a year like this one, and obviously I never want another.  However I can completely relate to Lance Armstrongs claim that cancer was a gift.  It has completely re-aligned my whole attitude to life.

Quite a few people have said to me recently how things begin to gain perspective when you go through something like I've done this year.  Its now 7 months since I completed the treatment - and the pain and emotional turmoil are a distant memory.  Being the geek that I am I try to make sense of it by relating it to a PC - the human brain has an incredible ability to store the bad files on a floppy disk, put the disk in a drawer in the office, without labelling it, then forget about it for months at a time. Occasionally you go through your office drawers, find the disk and think 'I wonder whats on this?'... And as you place the disk in your laptop and load it up - secretly hoping its those slightly innappropriate pictures you took of the missus on that beach a few years ago that you promised you would delete - as the files open up it takes your breath away (for completely other reasons) and you think to yourself 'Was that really me?'

When I reflect on whether I have changed - I have to say a very affirmative YES!  I don't fly off the handle and shout like I used to (not as much anyway).  I'm much more relaxed and reflective.  And while I am still very nearly always right about things - I don't get as much pleasure pointing it out!  I am far more aware than Ive ever been of people around me, of their own trials and tribulations. 

And perhaps more annoying than anything for those who speak to me these days is my ability to point out that whatever is happening to them right now - it could be a whole lot worse.

And thats not relating it to what I've been through at all.  What I went through this year was a piece of cake compared to others who weren't so lucky.  Adrian Sudbury was one, and his family will be facing up to their first Christmas this year without him. 

Christmas has a way of emphasising emotional problems, be it the loss of a loved one, relationship problems, work etc.  It brings things into context for around a week or so - and thats where Christmas and cancer are so alike.  (Stay with me for a moment)... The first half of this year were a little like Christmas (without the brilliant food and drink) for me.  I saw so many old friends, relations and even old colleagues.  Some of you did something as little as saying to my sister in the pub 'Give my regards to your Nige - we're all thinking of him' - you probably don't realise just how much that meant to me and my family. People logged onto this blog in their thousands (literally) and that gave me renewed faith in human nature - and that faith has stayed with me to this day.  I feel incredibly lucky to have had so many people in my corner.

I was talking to friends in the pub the other night and was told of a lad who's going through the throat cancer battle right now.  He's having a terrible time of it - lost loads of weight and seemingly the emotional stress is biting hard.  I really hope he can take strength in the same way I did from those who love him.

So finally - my Christmas wish.  This Christmas I hope you can all find the time to spend some quality 'you' time, be it going for a walk, a night in by the fire, whatever you do to relax.  And don't switch the TV on.  Spend some time to yourself and think.  We don't do enough thinking these days.  Life runs by us all at a million miles per hour and John Lennon was absolutely right when he said 'Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans'.  And while you are thinking, relaxing and being you, let your thinking involve those close to you, particularly your family.  I won't tell you what to expect - but I think some of you might be surprised.  Let me know...

Happy Christmas to you all.

Nigel xx