Returned from Weston Park with a whole load of new medication today.

I've had an apalling weekend.  I've spent most of it in bed following an ill-advised visit to Hillsborough on Saturday.  That really wasn't a good idea.  I went straight to bed as soon as I got home and shivered there for a few hours before Craig and Julia called round for an hour.  It was really nice to see them - but after an hour I really just wanted to crawl back into my bed. So I did.

I've been throwing up most of the weekend, the cold is not abating at all - I've had it for nearly 4 weeks now and the antibiotics just don't seem to be moving it.  The pain in my throat has reached entirely new dimensions - and there appears to be an irritating flap of skin (or blister) right in the back of my throat - occasionally when I cough the skin moves and forces my gag reflex which in turn makes me throw up.  The pain of being sick against my ulcerated mouth is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

As yesterday (Sunday) progressed my hearing started ringing again, and during the night I noticed that I was finding it difficult to hear some things.  At the hospital this morning they arranged a hearing test at the Hallamshire - and it appears that I do have some damage to my hearing.  This can be permanent - and they are now deciding on whether to give me the last course of Cisplatin chemotherapy in two weeks time - I may have to give it a miss.  Permanent profound deafness is listed as a side-effect for Cisplatin - I really hoped I could avoid this as my whole life revolves around my hearing - from work to pleasure.

The doctor also stated that the skin in the back of the throat was perfectly normal - and I'd just have to put up with it as a side-effect.  She has given me some medicine which should alleviate the pain of swallowing - we will see how that goes.

I am doubled up in pain when coughing at the moment, it seems to hurt my ribs, my lungs, my throat, my mouth and my head goes very sparkly as the coughs rack through me.

3 weeks to go? I wish I could be put to sleep for the 3 weeks.  I'm not feeling brave at all right now - I'm feeling bloody awful and I just want the whole damn thing to be over.  I keep thinking 'You have the wrong man' - this can't be me its happening to.  But clearly the results don't lie and they do have the right man.

I've been sick 3 times now while writing this piece so I'm going to sign off now.

Keep smiling

Nigel xx

Yes yes I know, I've been going downhill for years...

I don't mean THAT kind of downhill.  I mean that I'm now at the end of my 4th week of 7 of radiotherapy, I've had 2 of my 3 sessions of chemotherapy and I feel like a downhill skier racing to that target of 18th April when my treatment will end.  The light is definitely getting brighter but obviously I'm under no illusions that the hardest part of the journey is yet to come.

Quick progress report.

I've received 20 doses of radiotherapy.
I've received 2 doses of Cisplatin chemotherapy.
My cold is still lingering and causing me more problems than the radio/chemo put together.
My throat feels like I have permanent tonsilitis.
I have contracted a mouth infection called 'oral thrush' - quite common during the process and extremely painful.
I am 11kg (24lbs) lighter than when I started 4 weeks ago.
I haven't eaten anything for over a week and am living off 'milk shake' food supplements fed through a tube into my stomach.
I've spent 3 days throwing up after each dose of chemo

And the real progress is - the oncologist had a good look into my throat on Wednesday and claims there is already a visible reduction in the tumour and that things are going to plan.   Thats the kind of news you grab hold of with both hands, cling to very tightly and hope, pray and hope again that all of this is going to be worthwhile.

This week has been very hard following my chemo on Tuesday evening.  I have found it very difficult to keep down even the milk-shakes and as such I havent had any food at all for 48 hours, feeling a bit light-headed - so todays priority is to take on board some calories.

Looking forward to the weekend, I may even try to get to the match tomorrow as I am desperate to get away from the 4 walls of our lounge and do something.  We will see how I feel...

All the best to you all, thanks for logging on and reading, the blog now has a regular monthly readership of over 1,000 people which is absolutely staggering.  I sincerely hope you all buy the book when its published, priced at £9.99 in all good booksellers

Have a great weekend

Nigel xx

Hi, Sarah here,

Just a quick update. We went for Nigel's radiotherapy this morning, as normal. Then he had to go and have his 'bloods' done, if the white platelets are low they won't do the chemo until they have replenished themselves some more. I had a cup of tea and a teacake from the lovely WRVS ladies. Waited some more for his 'pre-assessment' meeting. It was agreed that he could come home for the rest of the day before returning for the chemo.

I walked Libby so at least she had some attention, I knew she would be spending time on her own later although she has turned the TV on twice by herself in the past! WE suspect that she watches daytime TV nibbling on Bonio's and just pretends to be asleep when we get home!! Here she is at the helm on Derwentwater!

Anyway, we had to ring back after 2, presumably in case they need to tell you about your bloods or anything else. They asked us to return about 4, which we did. Visiting is at 6 so I didn't bother leaving stayed in the rooftop conservatory till visiting time; reading my book, helping a gentleman to work the TV in the day room ( me giving technical assistance!!!?) and chatting to a lovely lady from Chesterfield, whilst Nigel had his canula fitted and got wired up to the drip.

Everyone in there has their own story to tell, all of them different circumstances, ages, types of cancer but every one an inspiration. When I think of all the people reading this blog - family, friends AND people we have never met, it is as if there is a giant, invisible safety net of support out there. People tell me, I wish there was something that we could do BUT just knowing that good wishes are winging our way, full of unspoken hope, then that does help. Watching others in the waiting room I can't help but hope that they all have similar safety nets. The man in the wheel chair this morning who was dropped off by the ambulance lady who knew him well enough to kiss him farewell on the cheek and call him by his name, I couldn't help but wonder, what if he has no-one else to worry about him?

Nigel's drip for the Cisplatin was wired up at 5 and the process: saline, saline, cisplatin, saline, saline, due to finish at 8 in the morning had begun. A man from Barnsley is having the same treatment and is in the bed opposite to Nigel. I joked that it was like Team Ant and Team Dec (Sat Night Take Away viewers will understand!)and I fear they will be bribing the nurses to change the fluids faster to try and beat each other to finish first!

Nigel's Mum and Dad also came to the hospital tonight before Nige got tired and kicked us out ten minutes before closing time! On the way home I succumbed to my first KFC in YEARS and was so hungry I inhaled it!!

Finally, I am also looking forward to Jill's 40th in Spain, whcih will indeed be huge but just for the record Nige, MY 40th is at the end of June

More tomorrow, Nigel should be having his radio at 8.40 and then coming home, all being well. So fingers crossed, he has asked me to go for 9.30.

Sarah xx

ps. Can't wait to see his face when he realises that I worked out how to upload this picture of Libby BY MYSELF. lol, nothing is safe now, (sniggers uncontrollably) NOW WHERE did he put those 80's perm photos....

Well, its Good Friday - so obviously good things happen.

In all seriousness I've felt pretty shocking all day.  Woke this morning and really wanted to take advantage of the Bank Holiday and skip the radiotherapy, however theres no rest for the wicked and into town we went.  It was amazing to drive all the way to the hospital without the slightest hint of a queue - our 45 minute journey was done in 15 minutes flat!  Had my radiotherapy and was on my way home by 9.10am.

Nearing home the nausea took over, I managed to hang on til I was in our kitchen - but the pain of throwing up through a mouth that has become one big ulcer (tongue, cheeks throat - nowhere is sacred!) was awful.  I haven't eaten real food for 3 days now as its impossible to swallow.  Laid on the settee moaning all day and feeling sorry for myself - until....

I watched one of my favourite films today - with one of my all time hero's - Rocky 4.  It's the one where he fights the Russian Ivan Drago - Dolph Lundgren is about a foot taller than Stallone...  Anyway - as the film was progressing through the usual training routine, Rocky getting murdered in the ring til the last few rounds and finally overcoming a seemingly invincible opponent - I got to thinking how apt it was!  I don't mind saying that when he finally beat him at the end and the usual music struck up - I had to stifle a tear or two!! Crying at Rocky films - what the hell is happening to me?!?!   I will definitely be playing that music all the way home from the hospital on my last day of radiotherapy in 4 weeks time!!!

Secondly, I had a comment on my blog today from a girl called Hayley.  Hayley is 18 and is going through a very similar round of treatment to me - Chemo and Radio with a mask etc - and I've read her blog before.  Its quite inspirational stuff, the way she's dealing with it is a credit to her and her Mum.  She left me a great message and I read through her blog again - and boy did that make me sit up and stop feeling sorry for myself.  So, thank you Hayley - you reminded me about how we have to stay positive through this - your message couldn't have been timed better.

Go read her blog - you really should.  Any aches and pains or grumbles you may have pale into insignificance in comparison to what this bloody brave young girl is dealing with.  www.kickingcancersarse.blogspot.com

Finally - comment readers will have seen the invite to Spain for Jill Raduch's 40th 21st birthday party in July - I'm pleased to say I will be doing everything in my power to attend this event and clearly I now have something huge to look forward to at the end of all this.

I can't sign off without wishing you all a very Happy Easter, please think of me on Sunday when you are tucking into your Easter Eggs as I will be going without this year.  I do of course fully intend making up for that as soon as I can eat again!

All the best

Nigel xx

Well, I was released from hospital on Saturday afternoon. 

Following my admission on Thursday evening with a very high temperature and severe cold I was given an intravenous atibiotic.  This performed its miracle in reducing my temperature in just a few hours - however what remained was the extremely sore throat and the worst cough I have ever had.  Every cough also had a knock-on effect of making me feel like I'd been stabbed at the PEG site in my stomach, and I also had a raging headache in the right hand side of the back of my head - which seemed to bang every time I coughed too.

I slept for about an hour in total on Thursday night - the rest of the time I was stood over the sink in my room coughing my guts up (it seemed) - sorry if thats a little too much info.  Every cough seemed to rattle around my sore throat exacerbating the pain there, while the swelling in my mouth from the radiotherapy meant that overnight I picked up half a dozen huge ulcers on the underside of my tongue.

Friday passed by at an extremely slow rate - although it was nice to see a few visitors (Mum and Dad and Martin in the afternoon).  I can tell you something, going down for the radiotherapy on Friday afternoon when I was already in such severe pain was a very difficult thing to do.  For two pins I could have stopped right there.  Friday evening and Sarah arrived, who remained confined to a dark corner of the room where no more germs could be passed on to me!   Once she left I watched a little Sprt Relief and tried to get some sleep.

Friday night followed a similar but less dramatic pattern to Thursday evening - the only good news throughout was the consistency of the temperature remaining at between 36.6 and 36.9.  They had told me I would be in til Sunday at the earliest - I had decided that as soon as I could get out of there I would...

Saturday morning came and I felt much better - apart from the pain in my mouth.  Sat around watching Saturday Morning Kitchen (best programme on telly - although a little like torture for me at the moment), then I was allowed to go home in the afternoon, and spent the rest of the afternoon chilling on the settee.

Sunday morning arrived and the bed at home had worked its magic - I slept like a baby from around 1am (when I had woken for a coughing fit) to 6am (when I had another coughing fit) .  I felt 100% better - my temperature had completely stabilised too.  Spent the day with the kids and even managed to drive to the pictures in the afternoon to see the film Gameplan (their choice!).  It wasn't bad to be honest.

I've noticed that my taste buds are not working in their usual way any more - and things like chocolate just don't taste nice at all.  Bland stuff like water, and weetabix taste just as bland as ever though, so I'm eating them to try and maintain some normality.  I'm cooking my semi-famous Irish Stew this evening (it is St Patricks Day - yes I know it was moved to Saturday).  Any food with a sauce is now only marginally palatable - anything without a sauce is strictly off limits as it just won't get swallowed!

Anyway, I'll sign off now and go and gargle with my soluble paracetamol!!!

All the best,

Nigel xx

PS - Here's the recipe for my semi-famous Irish Stew in case you fancy a go!!!!

Nigels Semi-Famous Irish Stew (serves 6)

Ingredients

1½kg/3lb 5oz stewing beef, cut into cubes
175g/6oz Spicy Chorizo Sausage sliced diagonally
3 tbsp olive oil
12 shallots, peeled
18 button mushrooms, left whole
12 baby carrots, scrubbed and left whole
salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 tbsp chopped thyme
2 tbsp chopped parsley
8-10 cloves of garlic, crushed and grated
200ml/15fl oz red wine & 1 can of Guinness
325ml/15fl oz chicken or beef stock

For the roux
50g/2oz butter
50g/1¾oz flour

Method
1. Brown the beef and chorizo in the olive oil in a hot casserole or heavy saucepan.
2. Remove the meat and toss in the onions, mushrooms and carrots, one ingredient at a time, seasoning each time.
3. Place these back in the casserole, along with the herbs and garlic.
4. Cover with Guinness, red wine and stock and simmer for one hour or until the meat and vegetables are cooked.
5. To make the roux, in a separate pan melt the butter, add the flour and cook for 2 minutes.
6. When the stew is cooked, remove the meat and vegetables.
7. Bring the remaining liquid to the boil and add 1 tbsp of roux.
8. Whisk the mixture until the roux is broken up and the juices have thickened, allowing to boil.
9. Replace the meat and vegetables, and taste for seasoning.

Believe me - its GORGEOUS, dead easy to make and looks pretty impressive once done!!! Let me know if you try it please!!

I am the one responsible for infecting Nigel with my cold and now feel twice as as I did before.

Was at a conference in Birmingham yesterday, arrived back in Sheffield at 6.30 on the train from Birmingham New Street station ( what a dump - the only time I have been trapped on a train because the duggies on the platform were all piling on before we had actually got off the train!!) Between the train and the car park I had missed 4 calls from Nigel, trying to get the emergency contact for Weston Park. Very worried, temperature of 39, coughing and sore throat. Once chemo has been administered this can suddenly develop into nasty complications if your white blood cells have been depleted by the chemo. Nigel's Dad drove him into town and I met them at the hospital.

Very quickly saw a fantastic junior doctor who was patient, attentive and clear in his explanations. They were all very calm about the whole thing. After a thorough examination, intravenous antibiotics were administered as well as tablets. Nigel's blood tests from the day before were showing that rather than being down his white blood cells are UP which was good news.
IF the cold or potential infection is BACTERIAL the antibiotics will wipe it out, like 'domestos' were the doctors words .
IF it is VIRAL then tough, your body will have to battle it out itself and you will feel like for another few days.
The fact that the white bood cells are up though could indicate they are fighting bacterial nasties as they don't fight viral bugs.
Nigel has to stay in until Sunday so that they can monitor things and make sure its ok. As I visited tonight, his temp was down and although he has a bad sore throat, he seemed a little brighter.

As for me, I have been to see the normal civilian doctor who has prescribed anti-b's for me too, 'just in case'. It was amazing to see how quickly I got an appointment when I mentioned Nigel and the 'C' word!!

Anyway, just wanted to update you, I know some of you had heard he had gone into WP. He doesn't know I am updating this either so it may well be edited when he gets home!!

Thanks for your concerns and support,

Sarah, x
off to bed with honey and hot lemon as I will be checking into a hotel if I'm not better by Sunday

The clue's in the title!!

Regular readers will remember the OWLSTALKATHON - how could you forget it!?

Well, I am absolutely delighted to announce that after Gift Aid - you have all helped me achieve the fantastic total of .........

£10,121.00 

I don't need to tell you - that is magnificent.  Can I take this opportunity to thank everyone who donated, be it an auction item or an cash donation, offered help, bought the auction items and also e-mailed their own list of family and friends encouraging donations.  Its been a real team effort to get to the target of £10k - and I've decided to leave the site open for any further donations that may trickle in over the forthcoming weeks.

I actually went into the fundraising office at Weston Park yesterday to bring them up to speed with progress - its no understatement to say they were absolutely staggered at what we have all achieved - so please - award yourself a huge pat on the back.

Thank you again,

Nigel xx

PS - Been feeling absolutely terrible the last couple of days - have managed to pick up a cold (a real no-no when on chemotherapy) which has seen my temperature fluctuate really badly - been sleeping a fair bit.  Fingers crossed I can avoid being called back into hospital to stay there for monitoring - with no immune system a cold can be really bad news as I can't fight it.  *gulp*

Well, the weekends over and week 2 of the daily grind is back!

I really don't know how you people that do the daily commute into Sheffield cope.  Sitting in those long tailbacks to drive over roads crying out for a bit of tarmac (I can see why so many of you have 4 wheel drives - its like being in the Serengeti) - and whatever happened to courtesy?  We entered the Sheffield Parkway eventually today after being blocked on the slip road by someone who really didn't want us to join the road.  To gain what?  He got closer and closer to the car in front and all he really achieved was that he looked like a twerp...

We arrived at Weston Park in plenty of time for my 8.40 appt this morning - and for once I was expecting to be in and out by 9am...   I hadn't allowed for the fact that my chauffeur for the day was my Auntie Jean - who is afflicted by something my Uncle calls 'Vaughans Luck'... (I think its the same as 'Sods Law') ... Anyway - there was a power cut this morning at Weston Park and all the Radiotherapy machines needed re-booting once power had been restored... This was done at 9ish - however my personal machine continued to act the goat (more evidence of Vaughans Luck) and I eventually was re-sited to a different machine at 10.10..   Still, its not like I had anything better to do.  Auntie Jean is next lined up for the Easter Monday trip - any more Vaughans Luck and we will be re-ordering the rota...

The weekend passed pretty much without incident, I felt steadily better - and finally managed my first 'number 2' in 8 days during Saturday afternoon!!   I'm sorry if thats a little too much information - but I bet I felt even more relieved than Brian Laws did after Sheffield Wednesday secured 3 points...

One thing about the radiotherapy - my mouth is drying up as a result of it killing my saliva glands - it makes eating very difficult.. I can also feel the soreness of gums beginning, I don't think it will be long before the PEG is in action...

Anyway - thats todays round-up - more later in the week.

All the best

Nigel xx

Well I've made it to Friday - and just returned from this mornings radiotherapy.

I still feel incredibly sick - and probably as a result of eating so little this week am now suffering from acid indigestion.  I havent been sick for a couple of days now  but still feel like I want to be...

But looking for positives - thats the end of my first week and I now have 2 days off for the weekend before it all starts again next week.

I won't linger for the sake of it - only to say thanks to everybody who has ferried me about this week at risk of having your cars re-decorated - THANK YOU.

Now for the weekend - and a lie-in tomorrow.

All the best,

Nigel xx

I think as this blog has now entered its 3rd month I should be allowed a downbeat posting??

I feel shocking today.  And thats a whole lot better than I felt yesterday... I will bring you up to speed.

Went to Weston Park on Monday, checked in on the ward and then went for my first radiotherapy session.  It was quite painful - not the radiotherapy session but the laying down with the newly installed PEG.  The radiotherapy nurse exclaimed that she thought the peg looked infected - that would be serious under normal circumstances but when I was to undergo chemotherapy (which kills your immune system) it was more serious than that...

Went back to the ward - they had a look and they too thought there were signs of some infection.  I also had a high temperature - not a good start.

Later my temperature was taken again, a dietician called to check the PEG - and we weretold it seemed ok and we were on for the chemo.  The chemotherapy plan arrived - I was due to start a saline drip at 5, a litre to be pushed through me over 3 hours, a second saline drip at 8, the chemo at 11 and then 2 more saline solutions, meaning I would be connected to the machine for some 15 hours.

The night on the drip went extremely slowly.  I watched 3 films, The Simpsons Movie, Crash and Sandra Bullock in the Premonition.  I read my Peter Swan autobiography.  I tried unsuccessfully to sleep.  And all the time listening to the quiet whirring of the pump.  Occasionally the machine would make a bleeping noise if I moved my hand and obstructed the flow - beep beep bop...  I could hear beep beep bop from up and down the whole ward - all night - as other people linked up to their own lifelines struggled with the flow.

During the night I visited the toliet around 20 times - trailing my pump with me - and hoping that the constipation I had suffered since Friday would come to an end.  It didn't.  It still hasn't today.  I was reminded of an old rhyme from my schooldays;

"Here I sit, broken hearted, paid my penny, only f*rted"

The following morning I was released from the pump and sent to the Radiotherapy Room, then back to the ward to await medication to take home.  I was issued with anti-sickness drugs, steroids, painkillers and antibiotics for the potentially infected peg.  My daily dose of tablets was to be some 36 capsules.  I also was prescribed a sachet of Movitol for the constipation.

On arrival at home I took my first set of pills, then the Movitol, and threw the whole lot up within 1 minute. The sight of the capsules in the sink really disturbed me and I absolutely broke my heart for a good 20 minutes.  Over the course of the afternoon, and interspersed betwen regular visits to call Huey on the big white telephone - I continued to break my heart.  This is not going to be easy.

At 6pm we called Weston Park to see if there was anyting we could do - and a doctor arrived at 8pm to inject me with anti-sickness medication - the first and hopefully last time I will ever be injected in my bottom.  I slept lots, went to bed (being sick along the way) and managed to have a reasonable (under the circumstances) nights sleep.

This monrng I went back to Weston Park for more radiotherapy and was prescribed a stronger anti-sickness pill.  It seems to stop you from being sick - but doesn't prevent you from feeling sick...

And thats where I am now - back at home - perched on the settee and wishing I posessed a time machine capable of whizzing me forward 7 weeks.  I know many of you have been waiting for news - I hope you will excuse me if I sign off now...

All the best

Nigel xx

Only 7 weeks left to go to the end of my chemoradiotherapy!

OK - so it hasn't started yet (til tomorrow) but it feels like we are now entering the home straight with the end in sight! 

Its been an absolutely crazy couple of months so far in 2008, what with a holiday, the Owlstalkathon (nearly £9,500 and counting) and the many many trips to and from hospital.

The next 7 weeks are dedicated entirely to Weston Park.  The daily grind of driving in and out of Sheffield will start - but you know what - I'm already looking forward to ticking off the days on the calendar!

I will not be doing any work at all during this period (which will be hard for me as I'm self employed) - its important that my mind is focussed entirely on sorting this thing once and for all.  I've even switched my Blackberry off... Instead I'm going to try and take the dog for a walk every day when I get back from the hospital in the mornings, sleep a little and I've decided to write my story so far... Not for anybody else but me.

So I will be reminiscing about schooldays at Aston Springwood, Aston Comprehensive, living in Bahrain, the football games, the girlfriends, the nights out, the mates and of course the jobs... not all of them obviously I only have 7 weeks....

So - thats me.  (actually - thats not a bad title!)

I will sign off now - I'm in Weston Park early tomorrow morning and Dad is picking me up at 7.30.  More news on Tuesday when I emerge!!

All the best, and thanks everyone who has donated to Owlstalkathon so far.  You're the best.

Nigel xx

Well, I had the PEG fitted yesterday.

Following Rotherham Hospitals failure to install it, and the subsequent delay of my treatment by a week I was keen to get it finally sorted.  Arrived at the Royal Hallamshire in Sheffield at 9.10, and was on the operating table at 9.20!  The sedative was given, and the PEG fitted.  I even got to ride in an ambulance as they transported me back to Weston Park Hospital - Ward 4 to recover.

As the sedative wore off I became aware of the most incredible and excruciating pain where the PEG is sited.  Essentially they have punctured my skin and stomach to fit it - so its entirely understandable as its a little like being stabbed!

I spent pretty much all day in bed - and can I take this opportunity to say a huge thank you to my little sister Lou - who never left my side.  I was really grumpy at some points too!

Everything is now 'all set' for the start on Monday.  I have to be there at 9am, have my 'bloods' done and an appointment with the chemotherapy doctor.  Then its off to radiotherapy for my first ride on the radio machine , then back up to the ward for the drip to be inserted in my arm, and 14 hours of 'drip drip drip' as the chemotherapy drug to find its way into my veins.

It will be nice to stay on the ward on Monday night - the bed is very comfy - unlike being at home last night where I was forced to sleep on the settee as the pain from the PEG wouldn't allow me to lay flat.

OWLSTALKATHON UPDATE

During the day we were given several staggering updates as to how the OWLSTALKATHON was going - a friend who has suffered similar problems to me had called at the hospital with a cheque from his and his wifes families for a quite staggering £1150 - with Gift Aid applied thats worth around £1400 to Weston Park.

On Owlstalk fans were excelling themselves with many large donations, and Ebay auctions were raising brilliant amounts.  As it stands - my target of £10,000 is looking achievable.  If you havent donated yet - it would be much appreciated.

Thank you to everybody for staying in touch so far - next week the real hard work begins.

All the best

Nigel xx